34. Lucky Hand Prints

Can you see it? I can whenever I walk by my front picture window. Travis stands here to watch me leave the house, pressing his hands and face on the glass. 

I haven't wiped this one off for several days now; maybe because it's a perfect print of his tiny hand. Maybe it's because someone once told me to enjoy the hand prints on the glass while you can. Or maybe because it's the print of my youngest, and in this moment I realize it's the smallest it will ever be because he just grew a fraction of an inch.

But I've left it mostly as a celebration of me finding pleasure in the messiness of the window, and seeing I actually benefit from its existence now, before now and after now. And for that I am most grateful.

33. 10 Towels

Maybe I get the idea of scarcity from my childhood. We had family home evenings and were taught how to read the outside electricity and gas meters. 

Shut off the lights when you leave the room. I remember my bath towel was ripped and holed. 

There is nothing wrong with having 5 nice towels; one for each family member. Well, at least, until you have a party with 9 girls during a rain pour. If they all were clean, I would have been fine with the 2 baby-hooded towels and 4 beach towels. 

Growing up I believed towels were very expensive since we couldn't afford new ones or else my mother would have purchased some. Now, I know how much towels cost, and yet, I ignored our towel shortage until recently. 

I never supposed filling the basket with freshly cleaned towels on Monday would please me so much. 

I am grateful I have the money to buy 5 new towels. Aye.

32. GOOD NEWS

Last night I felt the thanklessness of motherhood creep up on my tired spirit. I should have said, I love you all and good night instead of I'm leaving, find another mother. I didn't really say it, but I thought it.

The boys were separated again; one in my bed, one in his own bed. Lay down. I growled. 

And then, I started doing push-ups and chair dips until I was sweating and crying. 

This morning I felt better and the GOOD NEWS is I learned. I have 3 children all alive and healthy. I read a blog of a woman, who most recently lost one of her children. At least I am still enjoying the moments with all of mine. OK?

Of course, I know a paper cut hurts much worse in bed than during Jedi training camp and water never quenched so much. I didn't know 12 year olds were allowed to be so disrespectful all of the time, and unfortunately or not, my mom isn't around for sound advice on this one. 

Last night the spirit left my home. The GOOD NEWS is I recognized it and learned what doesn't work. 

31. Grammy

Grammy is a surrogate maternal grandmother to my daughter. She is also a mortal angel.

Have you ever found yourself in a life situation where you realize you can't keep going in the same direction without someone by your side? That heaven would literally open up and have to deliver someone to remind you of the light. Well, I have. And that's exactly what heaven did. 

Evalyn was my gift. I was not committed to anything including my marriage, my church or myself when I met her. I needed a loving mother figure to give me a swift kick. 

Several miracles later, I was introduced to a retired teacher who had some extra love and time on her hands to take care of a 2 week-old colicky baby and me. Everyday I came to pick up my daughter. She was clean, hair done, bottles and clothes washed, fed, happy, chewed gum at 14 months, potty trained at 18 months, sang songs, learned to count, and recited The Story of Little Black Sambo. 

And if there is a record in heaven keeping track, I know what my scrawny book looks like. Evalyn's record book is the thick one with several pages of my scribbled name. My mom's book is thick too. The records are probably filed by thickness. 

I can't even find the words to express my overflowing gratitude for Grammy's love and acceptance of me and my daughter, and the wonderful advice, Pay it forward.

30. My Song

Maybe I should have waited until #35 to write this one because I'm 35 years old now. Maybe I could come up with 35 reasons why I love to be me. 

This is my song to sing. No one else can sing it for me. I can sing it loud or soft, high or low, I can sing it fast or slow.

1. Brown Hair

2. Brown Eyes

3. Short Toes

4. Great teeth

5. Strong Knees

6. Faith

7. Love

8. Math

9. Singing

10. Piano playing

11. Puzzles

12. Giving

13. Creativity

14. Computers

15. Dance

16. Reading

17. Yoga

18. Confidence

19. Testimony

20. Psychology

21. Visualization

22. Philosophy

23. Healing

24. Rebound

25. Efficient

26. Hard Working

27. Smart

28. Frugal

29. Funny

30. Understanding

31. Accepting

32. Honest

33. Nurturing

34. Sports

35. Open

For everything it's worth; I am grateful I'm here singing.

29. Everything about where I live

My house is old. Our street is a go-to street for commuters and school taxiing, so it's constantly buzzing. My daughter has to sacrifice flying to visit her dad often missing school events and a partial social life here and there. 

But I recognize that I live in heaven and love it. My tasks revolve around my children, and I get to do them in the perfect weather every day. Although I love small towns and grew up in one, and I live in a town with more than 200,000 people, the community here feels like a small town to me. 

At school, soccer, baseball, church, I find everyone familiar and friendly. I am also finding I am happier day in and day out. I want to settle here. Commit to doing whatever it takes to stay and live in this piece of heaven. Not necessarily this house, but a house on this street or the street down the street.

Maybe Dave will move here to be near Makayla and share this beautiful place with us. Maybe the universe says YES.

28. Valentine's Day

The first Valentine's Day I remember was in the 2nd grade, and I've loved this holiday ever since. We took 2 HUGE hearts and pasted them together to form an envelope to receive our valentines from our friends the next day. 

I vaguely remember caring more about the valentine's from boys. 

Conversational hearts are my favorite, well all of them except the hot white ones. Right after Christmas, the stores line up the boxes of conversational hearts next to the red heart boxes filled with chocolate and my heart leaps for joy.

But what I love most about Valentine's Day is all the love being expressed through candy, chocolate, flowers, poems, cards, valentines, hugs, romantic dinners, a smile. 

I'm grateful for all the love I feel around me this Valentine's Day.