12. Sweet New Babies

I held my niece today. When I picked her up from her car seat she stayed asleep. She smelled like sweet baby and dirty diaper mixed together in a fragrance you should be able to buy at the department store counter. She was smaller than any one of my children. And yet. She seemed hearty for a newborn.

She slept the entire time I held her and when I returned her to her carrier she squirmed a little and her mom said it was time for her to eat. It felt natural to hold an infant, I felt confident but remembered the first time I held my daughter. I remember thinking what do I do with this crying baby when they laid my firstborn on my stomach; who will take care of her? And yet.

There was a part of me that wanted another baby to add to my three. A big part of me wanted to have another one right now before my youngest gets too old and an even bigger part of me knows that what is best is to focus on being a great mom to the three I already have. So, the gratitude for me is that I get to enjoy a sweet new baby without having a sweet new baby and her name is Alora.