55. Forgiveness

Last night I sat at the edge of the world watching the crashing waves. The rest of the family was at a church function.

I was repenting.

Each wave reminded me of my behavior earlier that evening before I had to go to choir practice, angry and loud and forceful. I sat with what is, but only after throwing myself a big self-pity party. I only invited one friend. Who arrived after all the crying and precisely when I needed her to.

I wanted forgiveness.

And so, I told myself over and over again that 'I easily forgive myself and others' as I walked home in the dark. I left each of my children letters after the outburst, and I was greeted with acceptance, love, hugs, and this response...

Dear Mom thank you for the note I no you have the fores. (as in the 'force' from Star Wars) When you are sad you have the power to pray fro love Matthew

...and forgiveness.

54. Eyes

My kids are running around the house, and I'm listening to inspirational music on my iPhone while painting my new bedroom a sage color. Tomorrow's the Saturday before fast Sunday.

Beautiful music + open heart = Inspiration

Tears start to swim in my eyes as I reflect on the conversation I had with my sister this past week. She is losing her eye sight. I worry if she should be driving anymore and she's worried about things I didn't even think about like being able to see the faces of her children or read piano music. She plays too.

I call the family together and enroll them in my vision to fast for my sister and her eyesight and her family. I pour out my heart about this woman who is now a mother of 5, but used to just be my oldest sister.

I contact all my brothers and sisters and have them join in the fast together. I want a miracle for my sister, for my first family, for my family now, and even for me and my own faith. And I'm thankful now more than ever before for my eyesight, for being able to see the piano music even through my wet eyes because it would definitely be something I'd miss most.