50. People Playing Their Parts

Tom and I were married in 2001 and immediately moved into an apartment in Las Vegas, which counts the first time we moved. Then we moved 6 more times to get to this immediate place with these immediate friends.

Maybe some people can live in one place their whole life and learn what it is they are here to learn. For me, I get to share in the flavor of many different places and people.

After having just returned from my very first girls' overnighter, I am grateful to share LIFE with these women. Because of their light and power and creativeness, my heart is also light, power and creativity. Because they shine, I rejoice in joy and abundant kindness.

Thank you for playing your role in my LIFE with me at this TIME.

49. Gratitude Boards

This is the first night of our 2009 Gratitude Board. Travis is finally old enough to write his gratitude; sometimes in letters and sometimes in pictures. 

Tom started the board with "FAMILY". My favorite for Matthew so far is "my family and my life", and Travis' first post was "TOYS". I might put that I'm thankful Makayla's post was "ME!", as in herself, even though I would never even think to write that for myself.

There are no rules about duplicating someone else's gratefulness, so I put "family" as my first, followed by music and the ocean. 

This picture was actually taken a day after we started the board with our Thankfulness kickoff in family home evening. And, I'm already liking Travis' drawings...the arrow at the top. He says he is thankful for "arrows". And so it is.

48. Healthy Food

I suppose I never knew I wouldn't be able to eat whatever I wanted forever. And no one talks about exercise being vital for vitality, and yet, it is. 

Three weeks ago I started a body cleanse removing sugar, caffeine, soda, artificial sweeteners, eggs, gluten, dairy, nightshade vegetables, nuts, and corn from my diet. After the first 7 days, I introduced a food group for 3 days to determine any allergies. 

I thought for sure I was allergic to corn because of a mild stomach ache. Yesterday was gluten Tuesday, and I introduced gluten back into my diet. I am reconsidering the corn allergy. I think it was nothing compared to heartburn, headache, stomach ache, nausea, and extreme moodiness from the bread I ate. 

I'm not giving up on my love affair with bread, but am holding out for possible candida problems and only having issues with yeast and sugar for the time being. 

And yet, the gratitude I felt today was after I went to Trader Joes for groceries and I filled my home with delicious, healthy food without preservatives, refined white sugar, or chemicals. I can be satisfied eating a healthier lifestyle without missing out on the foods that damage the cells in my body. 

I felt content. Even vital. 

47. Travis' Flower Offerings

Parenting. This week at my worst, I felt like a failure. Trust me when I say getting a job would have been both beneficial to me and them.

And a far better option than... 

Thankfully, Travis picked me a flower from the pot outside our front door and saved me my embarrassment.  It's a rare occurrence; to have a flower in the pot that is.  He always picks it for me if one's there. 

And that's what keeps me from running outside with cash when the gypsies pass by.

It's also what keeps me watering that ugly plant.

46. Vacuums

The benefits of living near the ocean include sand all over the house, always. 

Somehow, the summer months never yield quarter cups of sand on the carpet. And, I forgot what it was like after the flip flops are tucked kindly away until next time. Flip flops can't hold sand like soccer cleats or close toed shoes.

Imagine life without vacuums. Picking up granules with pinched fingers never quite being able to enjoy dirt-less carpet again, ever.  

I've owned my favorite vacuum for 10 years or so; a refurbished filter queen, too bulky for my kids under 12.

So, I own 2. One for them and one for me. 

45. Testimony

Although I enjoy playing the piano in primary, it was fun to do something different today. I was the only girl in the Sunday School room with 10 boys, 3 of which will be baptized this Saturday. 

After random sharing, snack, and a brief course on "No Side Talking" (my sweet 12-13 year olds in Utah can appreciate that!), we started learning about how the Sacrament can remind us of our covenants we made at baptism. Yes, we.

During an object lesson, one brave boy came to the front of the class, and I promised him a pack of gum if he did 10 jumping jacks. When he finished, he was shocked when I refused to hold up my end of our bargain. This is where they all turned on me. In disbelief, the rest of the class gasped. 

But the tumult was short lived when I began to bear my simple testimony that Heavenly Father will NEVER do what I just did. He will always keep His promise. 

Of course everyone walked away with bubble gum filled pockets, but my pockets also had the love and the spirit of a sweet testimony. 

44. Overheard Comments

Driving home from our hiking adventure the other day, I overheard Matthew say, "1000 resurrected spirits". Random, I know. But funny because it was so random.

Or what about Travis on the way up to our hike, "I want to eat snow." We live in Southern California, really? And even on the hike he kept asking where the snow was.

I laughed out loud...the belly laugh kind that opens your lungs and heart. 

My favorite one this week was, "This is best day of my entire life!" or "It's raining babies."

You think I'm kidding?

43. Summer Reading

You might wonder why the title isn't Fall/Winter reading because there is no such thing as uninterrupted reading in summer. 

But the title is Summer Reading because of the great quote I found in the last of my books I chose for the summer. 

• Grapes of Wrath, 
• Of Mice and Men, 
• My Antonia, 
• Peace Like A River, 
• The Alchemist, 
• Magnificent Obsession, and 
• The Russian Concubine. 
  

The quote is by C.S. Lewis:

Empty your boat, seeker,

and you will travel more swiftly.

Lighten your load of craving and opinions

and you will reach nirvana sooner.

Absorb it. To be free of opinions and cravings...fixed beliefs and entitled blessings...black magic and envy. These are magic words. 

42. Music

I actually didn't get to number 42 without subtly mentioning music. You read about it in my 3rd post; having two ears and one mouth and my gratitude for being able to even hear music.

Or in my 11th post quoting the song, "My Savior's Love". Music is in My Children's Laughter, and where I find most of my inspiration.  

This whole experience is a dance with music if you can only be open to hear it and/or create it. It's in My Song.

Music evokes emotion and connects me with my spirit. Music is the language of divinity. It is my language. 

41. The Present Moment

If I name at least 52 things of gratitude per year, I will finish this project in 7 years. 39 more days until this first year is complete, and I haven't met my goal. My biggest regret is missing the month of July entirely. Apparently, abundance does involve gratitude!

In this moment, I am abundantly blessed. The future looks lean. The future looks fat. 7 years of this; 7 years of that. 

Travis literally begged me to lay with him while he went to sleep tonight. He couldn't wait for me to throw in a load of laundry; he was drifting and didn't want to miss out. 

As I laid there with my eyes closed, I felt the comfort of that bed with a roof over my head and a belly full of vegetarian dinner. (No, that is not an oxymoron.) I am grateful for the present moment of abundance of love, comfort, and safety. 

Tomorrow is another day and who knows what might happen. The roof might spoil, the food might be gone, and the bed might cave in. Unless it doesn't.

40. Teachers

As the end of the school year winds down, I begin my prayers for next year's teacher picks. The request for next year is a difficult one with the budget cuts and teacher shifting. 

It might be the luck of some people to pray for the perfect teacher, have their child placed into the perfect class, only to have them plucked like chicken feathers and discarded into the class room from hell. 

But that isn't my kind of luck. My prayer stays in effect until 30 days after the first day of school for situations just like that.

You might think I am kidding. 

I learned my lesson the first year we arrived here. I pray now.

And thankfully I did. Matthew got the perfect teacher for him this year. Her name is Ms. Nylen and she is the kindest, most patient teacher I've ever known. I had the opportunity to work in her classroom all year on Tuesdays and in the library on Fridays. (Gratitude to Peggy for taking Makayla to school and Tom for allowing me to stay home and Mandy for watching Travis.)

Makayla also got amazing teachers, who were committed to teaching her Math and responsibility. (Note the capitalization on my favorite subject.)  I'm sure my comment to her social studies teacher about the subject being inferior to Math may have served up additional learning experiences for Makayla this year. Oops!

And of course I am thankful for Travis's lovely Ms. Lacroix, who has so much love for small children and stray animals she may have the biggest mansion in heaven. 

Just seems like the wrapped cookies, drawn pictures, flowers, and thank you notes aren't enough. This prayer of gratitude is without an expiration...

39. Friends

Last week I am sure my children wondered how I was able to prop my feet up, read a book, and still have an immaculately clean house. What I didn't tell them was my friend paid to have a house keeper come and clean my house for a day. Shhh!

If that wasn't enough, Karalea also created an honor board for me as a thank you for her birthday surprise. 

And she gave me a prepared dinner when I arrived to pick up my boys after she watched them for a couple of hours. 

Karalea-Karalea, say it once, say it twice...today was twice as nice because of YOU! 

38. Food

Currently my fridge has tri-tip steak, chicken sausage, 4 kinds of cheese, milk, buttermilk, basil, rosemary, celery, lettuce, apples, lemons, sour cream, a lime, broccoli, cilantro, onions, yogurt, butter, eggs, pudding, lemonade, turkey, blackberries, strawberries, avocados, carrots, and water.

Is it normal to know exactly what is in your fridge at any given moment without looking or taking a picture? Well, if not, I am not normal. I know when my fridge is full and when it is empty, but the feeling I get when it is full is one of gratitude.

Here's tonight's dinner:

37. Owen's Dad

Matthew is playing coaches pitch this year on a team with a boy named Owen. Makayla says she doesn't play softball anymore because she gets too nervous at bat. Or maybe it's because my coaching from the stands embarrassed her too much.  

As I enjoyed Matt's game today, I commented on how I've changed as a spectator. I think Makayla rolled her eyes.

And just when I thought I had mastered parenting as a fan in the stands, Owen's dad taught me an incredible lesson. At the end of the inning, and after the last batter had hit, Owen was the catcher in charge of getting the ball and tagging all the remaining base players out at home. 

The last player was approaching home plate and Owen didn't have the ball in his possession. The moment was a tense one as Owen reached for the ball and turned and ran toward the plate just as the player crossed safely over home. 

Owen's dad yelled, Good job O! Owen looked up with confusion and defeat in his facial expression. Another mother noticed, He doesn't look convinced.  Owen's dad replied, I thought he did his best.

And the question hit me like the first time I tasted licorice, is that what this is about? It isn't about being the best player or never making a mistake? 

I am grateful to learn I have a lot to learn. I am grateful for another wonderful moment of enlightenment. 

36. State of Being Safe

Last night I checked the locked doors and checked again to be sure I was safe. My heated blanket was waiting for me after I turned off the lights and headed to bed. 

Matthew was the first one up in the morning. Once he heard me stir, he came in to greet me.  Good Morning. 

We had breakfast, a bath, and t.v. time. Then we went to the gym, the store, and the gas station. We hurried home for our scheduled appointment with the mobile auto glass company. We will eat lunch, go to the movies, and probably the mall today.

And I guess there is no risk of injury or death I need to worry about. No bombs flying overhead or the sound of Indians screaming. The moments play on in my mind as though something may happen, but the reality is I am safe and we are safe. We live in a safe neighborhood, a safe city, a safe country. Today I am aware of it and grateful. 

35. Full Beds

Tonight I returned from playing church basketball to an empty house, to empty beds. Tom and Makayla went with me, and I pressured Makayla into playing too. Her voice was almost gone when she reminded me on the way home that she was still feeling sick.

Tomorrow is Tom's first Success in the Sand one-mile inspirational training down at the end of our beach, so the boys are sleeping in grandma's bed. 

Normally the boys would be asleep right now anyway and the house would be quiet. And yet, this silence is empty. Passing by their dark room, I felt the void deeply. 

Sometimes I wish for peace and quiet, for emptiness, for silence. But not tonight. I miss my boys. I miss the beds being filled with intermittent sighs and sweaty shoes and socks being flung around on the floor. Sleep well, sweet lambs.

34. Lucky Hand Prints

Can you see it? I can whenever I walk by my front picture window. Travis stands here to watch me leave the house, pressing his hands and face on the glass. 

I haven't wiped this one off for several days now; maybe because it's a perfect print of his tiny hand. Maybe it's because someone once told me to enjoy the hand prints on the glass while you can. Or maybe because it's the print of my youngest, and in this moment I realize it's the smallest it will ever be because he just grew a fraction of an inch.

But I've left it mostly as a celebration of me finding pleasure in the messiness of the window, and seeing I actually benefit from its existence now, before now and after now. And for that I am most grateful.

33. 10 Towels

Maybe I get the idea of scarcity from my childhood. We had family home evenings and were taught how to read the outside electricity and gas meters. 

Shut off the lights when you leave the room. I remember my bath towel was ripped and holed. 

There is nothing wrong with having 5 nice towels; one for each family member. Well, at least, until you have a party with 9 girls during a rain pour. If they all were clean, I would have been fine with the 2 baby-hooded towels and 4 beach towels. 

Growing up I believed towels were very expensive since we couldn't afford new ones or else my mother would have purchased some. Now, I know how much towels cost, and yet, I ignored our towel shortage until recently. 

I never supposed filling the basket with freshly cleaned towels on Monday would please me so much. 

I am grateful I have the money to buy 5 new towels. Aye.

32. GOOD NEWS

Last night I felt the thanklessness of motherhood creep up on my tired spirit. I should have said, I love you all and good night instead of I'm leaving, find another mother. I didn't really say it, but I thought it.

The boys were separated again; one in my bed, one in his own bed. Lay down. I growled. 

And then, I started doing push-ups and chair dips until I was sweating and crying. 

This morning I felt better and the GOOD NEWS is I learned. I have 3 children all alive and healthy. I read a blog of a woman, who most recently lost one of her children. At least I am still enjoying the moments with all of mine. OK?

Of course, I know a paper cut hurts much worse in bed than during Jedi training camp and water never quenched so much. I didn't know 12 year olds were allowed to be so disrespectful all of the time, and unfortunately or not, my mom isn't around for sound advice on this one. 

Last night the spirit left my home. The GOOD NEWS is I recognized it and learned what doesn't work. 

31. Grammy

Grammy is a surrogate maternal grandmother to my daughter. She is also a mortal angel.

Have you ever found yourself in a life situation where you realize you can't keep going in the same direction without someone by your side? That heaven would literally open up and have to deliver someone to remind you of the light. Well, I have. And that's exactly what heaven did. 

Evalyn was my gift. I was not committed to anything including my marriage, my church or myself when I met her. I needed a loving mother figure to give me a swift kick. 

Several miracles later, I was introduced to a retired teacher who had some extra love and time on her hands to take care of a 2 week-old colicky baby and me. Everyday I came to pick up my daughter. She was clean, hair done, bottles and clothes washed, fed, happy, chewed gum at 14 months, potty trained at 18 months, sang songs, learned to count, and recited The Story of Little Black Sambo. 

And if there is a record in heaven keeping track, I know what my scrawny book looks like. Evalyn's record book is the thick one with several pages of my scribbled name. My mom's book is thick too. The records are probably filed by thickness. 

I can't even find the words to express my overflowing gratitude for Grammy's love and acceptance of me and my daughter, and the wonderful advice, Pay it forward.

30. My Song

Maybe I should have waited until #35 to write this one because I'm 35 years old now. Maybe I could come up with 35 reasons why I love to be me. 

This is my song to sing. No one else can sing it for me. I can sing it loud or soft, high or low, I can sing it fast or slow.

1. Brown Hair

2. Brown Eyes

3. Short Toes

4. Great teeth

5. Strong Knees

6. Faith

7. Love

8. Math

9. Singing

10. Piano playing

11. Puzzles

12. Giving

13. Creativity

14. Computers

15. Dance

16. Reading

17. Yoga

18. Confidence

19. Testimony

20. Psychology

21. Visualization

22. Philosophy

23. Healing

24. Rebound

25. Efficient

26. Hard Working

27. Smart

28. Frugal

29. Funny

30. Understanding

31. Accepting

32. Honest

33. Nurturing

34. Sports

35. Open

For everything it's worth; I am grateful I'm here singing.

29. Everything about where I live

My house is old. Our street is a go-to street for commuters and school taxiing, so it's constantly buzzing. My daughter has to sacrifice flying to visit her dad often missing school events and a partial social life here and there. 

But I recognize that I live in heaven and love it. My tasks revolve around my children, and I get to do them in the perfect weather every day. Although I love small towns and grew up in one, and I live in a town with more than 200,000 people, the community here feels like a small town to me. 

At school, soccer, baseball, church, I find everyone familiar and friendly. I am also finding I am happier day in and day out. I want to settle here. Commit to doing whatever it takes to stay and live in this piece of heaven. Not necessarily this house, but a house on this street or the street down the street.

Maybe Dave will move here to be near Makayla and share this beautiful place with us. Maybe the universe says YES.

28. Valentine's Day

The first Valentine's Day I remember was in the 2nd grade, and I've loved this holiday ever since. We took 2 HUGE hearts and pasted them together to form an envelope to receive our valentines from our friends the next day. 

I vaguely remember caring more about the valentine's from boys. 

Conversational hearts are my favorite, well all of them except the hot white ones. Right after Christmas, the stores line up the boxes of conversational hearts next to the red heart boxes filled with chocolate and my heart leaps for joy.

But what I love most about Valentine's Day is all the love being expressed through candy, chocolate, flowers, poems, cards, valentines, hugs, romantic dinners, a smile. 

I'm grateful for all the love I feel around me this Valentine's Day. 

27. Spiritual Talks with Matthew

Driving in the car to drop off some checks at the bank, Matthew started asking me questions about my mom. 

I brought him home after the class art project because his nose was profusely running and irritating his upper lip.

Travis and Makayla were both at school, so we were sort of on a date. 

Matt: Were you sad when your mom died.

Me: Yes, I cried a lot.

Matt: Did you cry where ever you went?

Me: Well, if I was going to the bank I wasn't crying because I was busy at the bank. If I was home and thinking about her, I would cry; and sometimes now I cry when I think about missing her. 

You know, my mom knows more than me  so sometimes I wish I could call her up and ask her questions.(simultaneously questioning in my mind if I don't need her advise once I'm 42)

(This was also a reminder to him that I am supposed to be smarter than he is, which I know he wasn't buying)

The woman at the teller window looked down at Matthew and called him handsome and said he looked like me. Then she said she sensed we would always be close. Strange and yet it wasn't.

Matt: (as we were leaving) Don't forget, your mom has the force now.

Me: Oh, ya. That's right, she does.

Matt: She is all around.

Me: Do you see her?

Matt: Yes. Every day. 

Me: What is she like?

Matt: She is upset right now.

Me: Why is she upset?

Matt: She misses you.

26. Rain

I love rain and I love the ocean even more; maybe it suits me to classify my love for all types of water. 

But especially now, I love the rain. The rain to me means renewal, a blessing from above, faith in the natural and abundant cycle of water. It also means money. 

Abundance is my birthright, and rain brings money in abundance for our family. Rain also means food, shelter, comfort, peace, and freedom. 

I stood in the middle of the street last Friday night at Makayla's Birthday Party as 7 girls screamed and ran up and down the gutter with flowing water as it poured down from above. It was cold and I was unprotected from the wet. 

Part of me wanted to go inside and get warm, another part of me wanted to run and scream too. I regret not running. And yet, I know, more rain will come. Bring on the rain.

25. Scripture Stories

I always thought having an older brother would be cool; and because I grew up with 3 older sisters I wanted my first child to definitely be a boy. 

But I learned something from my oldest sister while we were on our last trip together in Arizona. She is such a great mother, and I noticed how she "told" her kids a story for bedtime. It wasn't The Three Bears or The Three Little Pigs; it was Joseph and the Coat of Many Colors from memory.

In copying her creativity, I started telling scripture stories at bedtime too. Noah's Ark was a fun one because we thought up as many animals as possible to take on the ark, including the skunk.

Tonight I told David and Goliath. I have to admit I did a little research, so I could tell the story with as much enthusiasm and accuracy as possible. Matthew's favorite part was when David cut of Goliath's head, but Makayla said, "Ew!"

I actually was inspired by the courage and bravery of a young faithful man who obviously had a personal relationship with God. Tonight I am grateful for spirit filled stories from the scriptures. 

24. Health

Say it out loud. HEATLH! Growing up with a mother who was constantly sick allows me to remember daily almost in each moment my gratitude for my health and especially when I'm sick. 

My good friend brought me chicken noodle soup today. It was so delicious and very nourishing to my body. We haven't been running this whole week and she just assumed I could use some good food. Thank you, Amy! 

And more thankful I am knowing this flu will pass soon and I will be restored to great health again. 

23. Stay Home

Standing in the freezing cold (55 degrees), waiting for soccer practice to end I experienced the following:

. Young girl (about age 6) shot out of the YMCA door toward her dad.

. Father picked up young girl.

. Young girl began to sob and yell, "Oh, Daddy. Oh, Daddy"

. Other YMCA children crowded around the door waiting for working parents.

. "Good-bye Alison" the children yelled.

. Girl still crying and clinging to her dad, "Bye"

. Choking back my own tears

. I AM so grateful that my children aren't at daycare.

22. Car

It's not like I have a Mercedes or Lexus or even a new car, and yet, I have a dependable car for the most part to get me from point A to point B. Here are my points today:

7 times leaving/returning home

7 times to the schools (2 Preschool. 3 Elementary School. 2 Middle School)

The Habit

Barnes and Noble

2 times to soccer field

Home Depot

Road Runner

Ralphs

I guess I'm thankful for gas and money too.

21. Brought to you by iPhone

Bath time.

• Check my yahoo and gmail accounts
  
• Update Facebook status
• Read blog posts
• Transfer money from business account to my petty cash
• Text Tom
• Open iPod
• Shuffle